I have a million things on my mind but that’s pretty normal.
I’ve been swirling around reading 10 books at once, trying furiously to consume more and more wisdom with a sense that there’s one missing puzzle piece I need right now. I'm tearing through the books I already own, picking up books that practically tumble off the bookstore shelves, and checked out 20 books from the library (with 16 more on hold from all over our the state)
Something about this reading marathon has triggered some funky old patterns of self-criticism, which are trying to make me think there’s something terribly wrong with reading books!!
I turn into my very own inner tyrant, making myself SO, so wrong for doing all this reading. My inner dialogue sounds something like this…
++ You’re avoiding doing the work. Stop consuming and start creating already!
++ Don’t you already have like 30 books you’ve never read on your shelf?
++ See, you’re never going to settle down and just let things be easy, you’re always trying to make it complicated.
I breathe through the anxiety that bubbles up, feeling so helpless because I yearn to read these books, feel pulled towards them like a magnet. All the while, I’m basically beating myself up in my head and making myself wrong for reading.
I mean, would I say this to any of my friends? Of course not.
I’d be so super supportive and encouraging, I’d try to see the thread between what she was interested in and mirror that back to help her feel validated, grounded, and motivated to keep up her awesome work.
Here's what I'd tell my best friend about her reading habit…
++ Wow, these books all sound amazing, how do you even find out about all these!?
++ I’m so excited to see how these new ideas inspire your classes and workshops!
++ I’ve heard a lot of artists and successful CEO’s are voracious readers.
The new practice for me is to turn down the volume of the self-criticism and turn UP the volume on all that nourishing self-LOVE.
I’ve been noticing a lot of old patterns that run in my life that keep me separated from the powerful land called SELF-LOVE. Yet this is the green, verdant oasis I want to be living in.
When I say I want to experience freedom, ease and joy in my life, what I really mean is that I want to love myself enough to allow life to FEEL this way.
With love as the background music, I see things in a much softer and wiser way.
Then I get quiet and ask myself what’s really motivating this literary spree I’m on.
The steady whisper of my higher self basically says: research. And the energy of this is that I’m researching so that I can write books. Lots and lots of books.
I don’t have any idea what happens next, but that’s what they say about following your intuition. You have to do it on faith, you have to trust. Surrender is the magic that makes it all happen.
Which leads me to a few questions for you to ponder so we can dive in and explore them together. (Unless of course I’m the ONLY ONE going through anything like this right now!)
1 – what books are you loving and reading right now? Particularly in the realm of non-fiction, spiritual, femininity, self-help, personal development, goddess traditions etc. You know, all the personal growth and magical stuff we love here!
2 – what has your inner wisdom been nudging you towards recently? And most importantly, are you following the call or feeling nervous about the messages you’re getting?
I’d love to hear your answers to one or both questions in the Radiant Woman Circle this week so we can enjoy a robust exchange of ideas and lend one another support, encouragement, and validation.
Not on bookface? I'd still love to hear what's on your mind, and you can email me directly, firstname.lastname@example.org